Let’s have coffee together.
I’ve often dreamed of my home as a safe place. It is a place where steaming cups of coffee or a beautiful meal or near silence, if that is what is needed, are abundantly available.
I imagine that I am the kind of woman who nurtures this kind of environment. Sometimes the entryway is scattered with nearly innumerable shoes, and sometimes the pairs are few. Always, the presence of the owner(s) of the shoes is held with care and intention.
I have been married for 15 years. This alone doesn’t make me any kind of expert on being married, of course, but I think it’s safe to say I’ve learned a few things about relationships. I want to share them. I don’t know why we keep trying to do things on our own because it hasn’t worked well so far.
If you come to my home for coffee or a meal, I will want to hear how you are doing, when (if!) you’re ready to share it. Wherever you are in the relational spectrum, I want to hear about the good and the hard. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that the telling of the good seems to expand the experience in our beings and the telling of the hard in a safe environment brings healing.
If you are not married, I will tell you that you don’t need to get married to become more of who you really are. What you need is deep human connection. You need people who love you as you are, who have the hard conversations. It’s what we all need.
At 16 years old, I latched onto news about Jesus being a shepherd who came to bring life to the full. I picture “life to the full” as arms-open-wide kind of living, loosening our grasp on the things we hold so tightly, breathing crisp, clean our deep into our lungs, being the best expressed version of the person we were created to be.
This life to the full is what I’ve wanted since then, what I’m still pursuing, and what I want for more people.
I need to warn you that the pursuit of “life to the full” requires bravery. It requires letting people in and having hard conversations and making room for things to be different, in our marriage and in our relationships.
Sometimes our hearts will be broken. One of the ideas that has carried me through is “make room for things to be different.”
This includes in ourselves. We are some of the hardest people to forgive sometimes, but Loved One, you’ve got to give yourself a chance to be different. Change, for me, has taken longer than I’d like, but less time than standing still.
While you’re at it, I’ll add one more piece of advice, if you have room for it- gossip isn’t helping you or any of your relationships. A few times in my marriage, I have called my mother to tell her about a difficult time I was having. She listened and she was compassionate, but she also pointed out how my husband might feel. She was right, and that was exactly what I needed to hear.
The friends that back you up no matter what? Let me just say it again because I love you- I absolutely believe the best kind of relationships love us where we’re at, no matter what, and they’re also willing to have the hard conversations.
Sarah's Table 