sarahmarie

Editing the Story

May 14, 2018August 4, 2022 sarahmarie

Lunch yesterday came from the kitchen of a fabulous Italian restaurant near my home. We had a gift card, and it was Mother’s Day, so it was the perfect reason for my family to stop in for some fantastic food none of us had to cook or clean up after.

I love a great meal, possibly a little more than the next person. If you ask me, I am living my best life when I am eating great food, or nourishing many bodies and spirits around my table.

I believe in food as community glue, but I am also susceptible to repeatedly trying to give food power it doesn’t have. If I hear one word about a particular method of eating, and I am feeling even a tiny bit vulnerable, I will spend time looking into it and likely even try it out.

Food is my super power and my distraction.

So. Yesterday.

By the time our meal came, I took a bite of each dish and was already starting to feel fullness coming on. Those appetizers! (They were great, though, and I wouldn’t have changed a thing.) No problem, right? We would have leftovers, and I could eat more for dinner if I wanted. I was totally enjoying the day and the experience with my family, and the amount of food eaten is not really what mattered.

And then.

My sweet husband made a very innocent joke about the last eating plan (really, the last list of food rules) I’d tried, and I thought yeah, I should get back to that. Today can be a “cheat day,” and I’ll get right back to it tomorrow.

To be clear, he wasn’t even suggesting I do it, or that I needed to do it, but I am so weak in this area at the moment that all it took was the thought of hopping back on “the plan,” and I was thinking I should…without even stopping to ask why.

You know what I did next, don’t you? If you’ve ever been in my position, and have been thinking you’ll start a rules-based plan any time soon, you know what happened: I ate way more than I would have otherwise. Because I won’t be eating this tomorrow. Because this is my cheat day. Because this is so good, and I don’t want to miss out.

That’s scarcity mindset.

That’s making my life about food, instead of a tool to live it more fully.

I sat with all this for awhile, and this is what I landed on:

I’m not getting back on “the plan” again today. I’m choosing instead to make choices that are kind to my body and feed my soul.

Fresh Air

May 13, 2018August 4, 2022 sarahmarie

Soul care.

Just the thought of those words breathes life into my being. Old, stale air is pushed out, the fresh, clean stuff rushes in where it finds a vacancy. Just a taste of what I’ve been after.

Truth be told, I coined the term “the holistic table,” quite some time ago, but I couldn’t really hold on to what I meant. I was coming off of a stint as a Beachbody coach, determined to mold the rich parts of the voice I discovered into something helpful, valuable, and life-giving.

For sure, there were bites of good stuff in there. I know the rich, full life I’m after is best lived holistically. I’ve learned a thing or two about that into my pursuits. Still, when I struggled (which has been a lot this year. I moved 1600 miles from the life I’ve been used to last summer, and while I still believe it was a good move, it hasn’t been without growing pains), I leaned on my default. I blamed my body for uncomfortable feelings. I threw myself into eating plans, convinced I’d feel better if I would just create new, strict eating habits. At some point, I would be able to see what I was doing for what it was, but I’d fall back into the same trap, but with a different eating structure the next time.

Those meal plans let me ignore what my unseen self really needed, because if I could patch it all up with what I put in my mouth, then I didn’t need to remove the bandage long enough to really clean a wound or let it air out. The ignored parts of me would eventually stage their rebellion, pushing out of me in the form of relentless cries for chocolate (and lots of it), exhaustion, or a miserable attitude.

I am hungry for more! my whole self asserted. I’d find that more, but I have had such trouble staying there. A pursued life is never static, and those old band aids are always available.

I’ve been told that I don’t tend to share my “life lessons” until I have them figured out. There is a certain level of guarded-ness in the “vulnerability” I share online, for better or for worse.

But this time, my friend, I am inviting you to walk this winding path with me. My unhelpful defaults are still there. I feel like I am breathing fresh air just thinking “soul care. soul care. soul care.” I am just getting my hiking boots on, and there’s always room for one more.